I’m “Coming Out”

I’ve been silent on this blog for awhile because I’ve been feeling like there was nothing I could share.

Many of you use your personal blogs as places to share picture of their kids, but I don’t have kids (more on this in a second…), so I have no cute photos or funny anecdotes.   Some of you use your blog to review the books you’re reading or to talk about what God and life have been teaching you.  But the books I’ve been reading lately felt too private and too personal to reveal.

You see, we have been trying to have a child for almost two years now.  About a year ago, we went to a fertility specialist and discovered some physical issues which are making it difficult for us to conceive.  I’ll spare you the details, but we’ve been through 8 months of very difficult and very expensive treatments, and they’ve all failed.

Through it all, I’ve been reading books like The Infertility Companion, When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden, Inconceivable, and Zita West’s Guide to Infertility & Conception.  So you can understand why I haven’t been doing any book reviews…

Our family and close friends know what’s going on, and many of Tom’s friends know.  I, however, have been purposely keeping it a secret from most of my friends, for many reasons.  (If you’re interested in hearing the details, I have been blogging about my journey semi-anonymously at Amateur Nester. Oddly enough, it’s easier for me to talk about this with strangers than with friends).

But we’re starting more aggressive treatment after the New Year, and I know it’s going to get harder to keep this to ourselves.  I also want to start talking about it because I want to get past the shame, embarrassment, and taboo associated with it.

I’m not going to turn this blog into a place where I talk a lot about our infertility.  I’ll save that for other blog.  But I do want to stop feeling so restricted in what I write here.  So the secret is out- at least on this blog.

One thing… If you are friends with me on Facebook, please do not mention our situation there.  Only a handful of people read this blog, so it feels more private than Facebook (even though I know that’s technically not true).  I’m “coming out” in stages, and Facebook will be the last place I talk publicly about it (if I ever do).

Please don’t feel pity for us.  God has sustained us through this, and I know the outcome is in His hands.  If you want to support us, you can do so by praying for us, and by not taking it personally if I decline invitations to baby showers or events where lots of small children are present.  I welcome words of support, but I do ask that you refrain from offering advice such as “Just relax and it will happen,” or “Maybe you should just adopt.”  As well-meaning as these comments are, they sting.

One thing about infertility is that you often find out that other people have secretly experienced it as well.  So if you are currently experiencing something similar or have been through infertility (meaning you know what a “RE” or “IUI/IVF” are), please feel free to reach out.  I would love to connect with friends who have been on a similar journey.

Thanks for hanging in there and reading this very long post!

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3 thoughts on “I’m “Coming Out”

  1. Hi Friend. So glad to know how to pray for you. I would love to share my own story more some time with you, because I knew for most of my life that I would have trouble getting pregnant. When we were walking through all of it, I felt God say to me very clearly: “I want you to share this struggle with people because I want others to get to be a part of the miracle that I am going to do in your life. The miracle will not just be for you, it will be for all to see.” Hope that can encourage you. These trials we walk through are not always just about us. Thanks for sharing, and including other people in your journey. Love you!

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